Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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