Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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