he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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