You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
