You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
