I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
