They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
