Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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