I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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