the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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