Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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