don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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