I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
