How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
