Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
