I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
