i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
