Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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