im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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