I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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