Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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