Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
