If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
