i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There r osticjed everywhere
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
