I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
