I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
