I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
