I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
