Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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