Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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