I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
