I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I understand Curling. That high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
