get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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