Sponge bath it is.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
