I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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