...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
