I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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