Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
