I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
