ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
