you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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