So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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