So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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