Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
