you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I forget how to act sober
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