btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
jump out the window naked night went bad
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