he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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