just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
