Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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