he told me I talked like a deaf person
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
