"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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