Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
