Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
